Wednesday, May 30, 2007
My leg hurts a lot.but its nothing.haha.guess i was too tired from walking around for 2 1/2 hours straight.went to
i-don't-know-where. i think it was Bishan.i really dont know where i headed to.it was as if there was some kind of spirit inside me and brought me along to places.i really didnt realise where i was walking and kept bumping into people without saying sorry,i think.
let's just put it this way.my mind is in a state of confusion.i dont know if i should cry or laugh or smile.well,i cried while walking around Bishan.how embarrassing is that?and now,i keeping all those tears and flash my smile now,so that no one will know what i'm feeling now.
now,i know what it means to this phrase, "
Choose your friends wisely." thanks rin,for reminding me about it! i think i owe you one.now that i realise that friends will only be there during your happy moments.but,when you're down,and hey,you realise,no one's there to see you cry or to cry for you.and despite the joy you brought to their lives,it's worth nothing as they won't be there for you when you're in need.
and that phrase up there,i realised to choose your friend wisely,you have to look at these main factors.
1) To see if they could be there by you whenever you need them.
2) To cry with you when you are down.
3) To have the time to spend together with you when they're free
4) Someone who you could have fun with.
its worth nothing when your friends take out all the fun that you have and you couldn't have any fun with them or yourself.Life will be meaningless.I had tried enduring it a hell lot of times.Im getting sick and tired of it.I just cant help to break down now.
Tell me whats the fucking reason to make you so fed up when I know that I didnt do anything wrong but to follow what I should do and told to do.Look,my dad thought me something.And till now,he keeps reminding me about it.
" Be a leader,not a follower."
Im not trying to be the leader or the head,but at least I have a mind of my own not to always blindly follow what people say.I have my way to change it a little,and to certain extent,make it better.And if i keep on being a blind follower who does everything that people say,I wont succeed.I'm trying my best to be the top,however knowing that i can't yet and have a long way to go,I won't stop there.I keep on going until i achieve to at least a certain standard.
You can call me greedy,but the plain truth is that im not.I dont really want attention,i dont really want to be bossy neither do i want to be greedy.I just want to give my best shot for the things that i do.But something is always stopping me.The friends that I have.Most of the time,I give in.Even though that's the only chance i have to show what i can really do.
I did a reflection on myself,and yes,i do admit,i still need to improve myself further.I need an intensive self-improvement session with myself,to upgrade myself and bring me to a whole new level.I hope it will work though.Pray for me.
And rin,Im really thankful to you for making me realise kinda a lot of things.sorry to have bothered you or something though.
Now that it isn't worth it,I'm not going to turn back.And my decision is firm.Dont come and tell me, "Why are you acting so cold?".. I'll shoot that question right back at you.And I'm really serious about this.Because now,once I look forward,I won't turn back and let the old prejudice come back again.And if I said,I won't,well,I won't.Forget about the promises we've made,forget about the things that we wanted to do in future.I'm going to live life as it is and go straight and not backwards.Don't you dare try to cry in front of me or give me that sad face you always do.Because from now on,I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT AND I WON'T SYMPATHISE YOU ANY FURTHER.
-you aren't worth to be called a friend.and you know that.
there it went
6:50 PM
